Level: Personal—Peace Principle: Cooperation

This week’s featured story came in from Bronx, New York, USA:

It’s funny how the little things can change your life. I have a cousin who I talk to on the phone several times a week. This week we were chatting like we always do and I asked her if she would go to an upcoming family event to be there for me. She said no, she did not intend to go, and she had her own good reasons.

I said, “You have to come; I really need you there to have my back!” She said no again, very clearly, and told me that I wasn’t trying to see her point of view. We both got upset, so my cousin said, “OK, bye,” and hung up fast.

For the next 20 minutes I thought about that conversation, and before very long I called her back.

I said, “How long have we known each other? Something like 48 years? In all that time, we’ve never had another conversation that ended like that. We always hang up the phone laughing! I’m not going to go to bed and let this linger. ‘OK, bye’ is not who we are; ‘OK, bye’ is not how I want to live.”

I told my cousin I was sorry. I did not want this to be the end of our relationship. We always joke about fighting, but the thought that we really would is scary to me. It could be like one of those family feuds where years go by and it turns into a war, even though nobody remembers what it was all about in the first place—just because somebody couldn’t say they were sorry.

I was only thinking about myself, and I forgot all about my cousin. I’m glad she stated her point of view so clearly, and I’m sorry I wasn’t listening at first. I love my cousin and I can’t ask her to do something that isn’t good for her.

My cousin wasn’t feeling very good about it either, and she was touched that I called back to say I’m sorry. We talked some more, and we were both laughing by the time we hung up the phone.

- Robin Clarke, Bronx, NY, USA