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Why Many Men Don’t Embrace Equality…Yet.

28 February 2013 4 Comments

Jeanine Prime, PhD and Mike Otterman
United States

“With MARC we are changing all this: we’ve built a community where members can explore gender from men’s perspectives and be empowered to establish better partnerships both within and across gender lines.”

Mike Otterman (left) and Jeanine Prime

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Women earn less and progress more slowly up the corporate ladder than equally skilled men. So how do we close workplace gender gaps?

Almost a year ago, Catalyst launched MARC—Men Advocating Real Change—a virtual community for men committed to workplace equality and inclusion. We launched MARC because we believe that men have a critical role to play in creating more equal workplaces, yet we learned from our research that men don’t always feel there’s a space for them to engage with each other, and with women, in tackling gender inequalities in the workplace. Very often, and with good intentions, organizations focus solely on women’s experiences—and the result is that gender gaps come to be seen as just a women’s issue, best addressed by women. With MARC we are changing all this: we’ve built a community where members can explore gender from men’s perspectives and be empowered to establish better partnerships both within and across gender lines. With more than 17,000 visits to the site and more than 500 members from around the world, the idea seems to be catching on. So far we’ve published more than 100 blog posts from experts around the world committed to fostering gender equality in the workplace. Below is one of our most popular blog posts of the past year, “Why Many Men Don’t Embrace Equality,” by author, researcher and academic Michael Kimmel, PhD. To read more from our expert bloggers, follow @MARCmovement or join us on MARC.

Can women join MARC too? Of course! But we kindly ask every woman who joins MARC to bring at least three men with her. This ensures MARC remains a powerful movement for change among men.

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Michael S. Kimmel, Ph.D., is a Sociologist, Author, Lecturer, and Blogger for MARC (Men Advocating Real Change)

Why Many Men Don’t Embrace Equality, by Michael Kimmel:

People often ask me why men don’t support gender equality in the workplace. After all, if you looked at it from an ethical standpoint, it’s as American as apple pie: it’s the right thing to do, it’s fair. You know, with “liberty and justice for all” and all that.

That argument, what we might call the ethical imperative – supporting something because it’s right – doesn’t necessarily resonate with a large number of men. That’s not because men are “bad” or “stupid” or anything of the kind. Partly, it’s that those abstract principles feel so remote and distant, as if you could agree with it in the abstract and not really do anything about it.

Actually, most men are quietly – and without much ideological shift – accommodating themselves to greater gender equality in their homes and in their workplaces. In many cases we’re more egalitarian in the concrete than in the abstract.

But I think we need to go further than simple accommodation. We need to embrace gender equality because not only is it right and fair and just, but because it is in our interests as men to do so.

In order to do that though, we need to get underneath the ethical imperative, underneath the casual statement of general support for equality “as long as it doesn’t hurt me.” We need to untangle that knot, examine the equation that somehow gender equality is a loss for men.

Many men see gender equality as a zero sum game: if women win, men lose. There are only so many positions at the top, right? So if women get half of them, then there are fewer of them for us. Affirmative action, diversity awareness, and gender equality projects are thus seen as actively discriminating against men.

Looked at another way, though, we’d have to admit that white men have been the beneficiaries of the greatest affirmative action program of all time. It’s called world history. By excluding women, we’d insured that we stood a far better chance of getting those positions. Equality can feel pretty unfair when you haven’t had to share any of your toys before.

This historical affirmative action program led to a psychological barrier that keeps men from often embracing gender equality. Let me tell you a little story:

Not long ago, I appeared on a television talk show opposite three “angry white males” who felt they had been the victims of workplace discrimination. The show’s title, no doubt to entice a large potential audience, was “A Black Woman Stole My Job.” Each of the men described how they were passed over for jobs or promotions for which they believed themselves qualified. Then it was my turn to respond. I said I had one question about one word in the title of the show. I asked them about the word “my.” Where did they get the idea it was “their” job? Why wasn’t the show called “A Black Woman Got a Job” or “A Black Woman Got the Job?”

These men felt the job was “theirs” because they felt entitled to it, and when some “other” person – black, female – got the job, that person was really taking what was “rightfully” theirs. “It seems like if you’re a white male you don’t have a chance,” commented a young man to then-New York Times columnist  Anna Quindlen a decade ago. The young man went to a college where 5% of his classmates were black. “What the kid really meant is that he no longer has the edge,” she wrote of the encounter;

that the rules of a system that may have served his father will have changed. It is one of those good-old-days constructs to believe it was a system based purely on merit, but we know that’s not true. It is a system that once favored him, and others like him. Now sometimes – just sometimes – it favors someone different.

But change we shall – and not just because it’s the right thing to do. It’s also in our interests to embrace gender equality. The empirical evidence is clear: at the corporate level, those companies that embrace diversity and enable everyone (including white men) to feel included and valued have lower rates of absenteeism and job turnover, and higher levels of job satisfaction and productivity. And personally, the more equal our relationships, the happier and healthier everyone will be. This personal part will be the subject of my next blog post.

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4 Comments to “Why Many Men Don’t Embrace Equality…Yet.”
  1. Daniel S. Moskowitz says:

    Because I am a Retiree, I cannot address Gender Discrimination in the CORPORATE World. However, at home, my Wife and I have to have COMPLIMENTARY Roles. A Prolonged “Power Struggle”, which psychologist, Harville Hendrix describes can only lead both parties Exhausted and Ultimately lead to Divorce. Therefore, the Complete Patriarchal Domination based on the Torah, practiced by my Grandparents, is completely outmoded. However, if my wife becomes too Domineering and Controlling, This usually BACKFIRES as well. She does things better than I do, and I do certain things better than she does. In some areas of Life, I should be the Primary Decisionmaker for the Household, and in Other Areas, it is best for her to be the Primary Decisionmaker. So, “Peace” in this case is not some sort of Lofty Ideal, but, rather, a Matter of ACCOMODATION and Mutual Acceptance.

  2. These are some of the most fascinating, indepth articles I have read on women’s voices on gender equality, Islam, human rights, empowerment of young girls and children, rape, peace activism, etc. BUT never likewhat I read on Peace X Peace. My congratulations to your editors, researchers, subscribers and all those make such “readings” like voices in the wilderness … show the reality of life today …

    VOICES OF WOMEN WORLDWIDE & VOWW-TV at http://voicesofwomenworldwide-vowwtv.ning.com wishes to collaborate and partner … spreading Peace X Peace’s unique content among its growing 1,000+ members across 82 countries (of the 193 UN States).

  3. Please list VOCIES OF WOMEN WORLDWIDE & VOWW-TV and me – Vinanti Sarkar Castellarin at a friend of Peace X Peace – Facebook refuses to allow me this humble task …

  4. [...] “Why Many Men Don’t Embrace Equality…Yet,” Jeanine Prime & Mike Otterman, Peace… [...]

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